Da Hata Report

Rick Ross aka Teflon Don has decided to join the ranks of the plastic click by forever immortalizing himself as bald bearded plastic paper weight. I can’t really call him an “action figure” if he’s only visible from the waste up. But it’s clearly obvious that dude does enjoy being able to play with himself.

I’m just glad that his fat ass has on a shirt and that his figurine isn’t life size. I couldn’t image how big that shit would be considering the fact that the real Rick Ross is six-foot-two and weighs a whopping 300 pounds.

Details are still not clear if the Don is in mass production or just sitting pretty within his personal figurine collection, but maybe he’ll grow a pair… of legs that is…LMAO

If you want more from Rick Ross go pick up his latest album “Teflon Don” which hit stores everywhere on July 20, 2010.

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Photo Credit: Fame Pictures, Inc.

So… It’s my birthday and I should be eating cake and drinking some kind of alcoholic beverage. Instead, I am sitting at the computer about to go in on another trifling ass situation.

If I remember correctly, a few months ago I was scratching my head and questioning the nuptials of Christina Milian and The-Dream as it unfolded. Let’s think about this… Christina is a beautiful girl. She dated some duds, and a few people before The-Dream proposed to her… Nick Cannon, Dre (of Cool & Dre), etc. etc. etc. Nick married Mariah, and Christina ended up marrying The-Dream?? Really? Teddy Ruxpin resembling, Hamburglar stunt-doubling, Gummy Bear look-alike Dream…. Now. You can’t really judge how much people love/don’t love each other but these two as a couple just looked odd. First came the baby. Then came the proposal. Then the big show and tell wedding. But hey, you love who you love and if marriage is something they want to do, then go ahead.

Picture: The-Dream & Christina Milian

As I heard the story of how he cheated on her with the ugly assistant, I had to laugh. Is he serious?? Have they even been married a year yet? How do you cheat with a woman who is friends with your wife? What kind of whore, slut bucket skank is she?

I honestly don’t understand why people get married anymore. Does anybody know what a “MARRIAGE” is or supposed to be? More and more, stories of cheating and heauxshit fuckery are surfacing between married couples. Not only celebrity couples but regular, Average Joe couples, who have kids, dogs, 9-5’s…, so what the hell is the problem? You know what; I used to blame the men. But I don’t anymore. I blame the trifling ass women that walk this earth and feel it is their duty to still date men that are married. I mean, it takes two to tango but as a woman, if you KNOW a man is married, why date him? Are you so fucked up that you can’t handle commitment so you jump in the middle of someone else’s? Or is your self-esteem on LOW and a relationship with a married man is what gets you through the day? I know plenty of men who are married but feel it is their civic duty to still pursue women. But women, there are obvious warnings that a man is married. Why don’t you heed the warning? What makes you think you are going to be “The One”? And if he’s doing his wife like that, what makes you think he’s going to do you any different? There are some that actually honor their commitment and respect their wife and I applaud them. I really do. And I can only hope that more men own up to their commitment and be husbands.

Picture (Left to Right): Christian Milian, Melissa Marie (Mistress), & another unnamed friend

Too many women feel like they have an obligation to service every man that crosses their path. The “he wants me and that’s all that matters” attitude is sickening. And people who defend heauxs need to shut the hell up too. If 2 people are married, there is no room for anybody else. Period. If you want to be with someone else, please go. Don’t stay behind. I’m sure if the attention of other women is your focus, you can’t do much else for your wife.

“You don’t know the situation… There are 2 sides to every story”. Fuck a “situation”… When the married parties involved figure it out, and DIVORCE, then moves can be made. But until then, please, women… Have some self-respect and stop being a man’s option. Be the one.

On another note The-Dream and Christina Milian have officially announced their separation after the shocking release of his adulterating pictures surfaced. I guess Christina will be taking care for their 5 month old daughter Violet, while he’s out fucking more skanks.

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OK, so maybe it’s just me, but there seems to be a real serious communication barrier when it comes to having a conversation with many of today’s unknown rappers.

Now I’m not proclaiming to have a nerds command of the English vocabulary. However, I am very capable of carrying on a conversation without the tag lines of “you know what I’m sayin”, “yah feel me”, “nah mean”, “yah heard”, “you sizzlin”, etc., etc., etc. When I hear an artist that speaks like this I can’t help but to ask myself if this is how he/she speaks on a daily basis? Part of me just wants to laugh, but the other part of me just wants to smack some duct tape across their mouths and make them shut the fuck up!

Now I’m not saying that you have to be all proper when you speak, BUT “some sort of etiquette” would greatly be appreciated. I shouldn’t have to listen extra hard to the words that are coming out of your mouth because I can’t understand what the fuck you are trying to say. You see, it’s at this point in the conversation when I begin to feel really really bad because it’s totally obvious that the public school system has failed you. There’s absolutely no reason for you to have a constant repetition of tag lines at the end of each sentence? Um… no I don’t understand you, and no I’m definitely not feeling you. Actually you just sound really really stupid!

You as the vocationally challenged rapper want to be taken seriously for your art. You want reporters to interview you, and you want to be portrayed in a positive light. Um… that’s only gonna happen if the people you’re talking to can understand what you’re trying to say. Each sentence that falls out of your mouth shouldn’t have a tag line attached to it… “yah feel me”.

So if you’re listening to me Mr./Mrs. Vocationally Challenged Rapper… every time you open up your mouth I’m embarrassed for you, and I’m completely disgusted by your speech patterns. Music isn’t everything. There comes a point after the release of your mixtape/album that you actually have to speak with people in order to further your career. Either you step up your game and get it together OR be prepared to go no where fast!!

Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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Today I decided to push it out of the box and listen something other than hip-Hop. Not that I need disclaimer to post anything that I want to see/hear, but there are other genres of music out there your know. Today’s Video Throwback is in salute to all my house heads!!! A little Crystal Waters goes a very long way and “100% Pure Love” can still get the dance floor rocking… if it’s a real house party that is.

PRESS PLAY TO WATCH VIDEO

Wooooo…. I’ll have you know that I just finished dancing on the living room floor. Don’t let me get my Ipod… because it would be so on right now…LMAO.

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In honor of the late great Michael Jackson I decided to throw it back in his memory. I can’t believe that it’s already been a year since the shocking news of his untimely passing, but that just goes to show you that time waits for no one.

“Smooth Criminal” used to be my joint back in the day… and still is! There was a point in time when everyone was trying to copy MJ’s leaning moves after watching this particular video. People were bussin’ their asses all over the place because they believed that they could duplicate his swag. Talk about classic… once again Michael Jackson had fans in awe of his ability to create another signature move like the Moonwalk with a tippy toe freeze.

PRESS PLAY TO WATCH VIDEO

This was the perfect video for “Smooth Criminal” and I can’t imagine it having being done any other way. The costumes, the set, the dance moves… it was magic and ain’t no one — to this date — holding it down like this!

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Lady Gaga calls herself a performance artist, and she knows how to put on a performance. Her latest video for “Alejandro” was directed by fashion photographer Steven Klien, and it’s a piece of moving art all in itself. Unlike the music that you’re used to hearing from GaGa, this song doesn’t sound like her at all. Maybe I’m being just a little bit biased but I’m really not used to hearing a straight up white girl singing about a bunch of Spanish guys. I’m just sayin…

There’s no denying that Lady GaGa is definitely picking up where Madonna left off. This girl seriously likes to push the envelop, and this video is really going to piss off a lot of overly religious folks. Statement or no statement… the wrath of “Like A Prayer” is about to start all over again. Although GaGa may not be singing and dancing in front of a burning cross she’s certainly dressed up as uptight nun who turns slutty by sucking on rosary beads and being rubbed and touched by guys. She even goes over the edge by flashing her tits in their faces.

PRESS PLAY TO WATCH VIDEO

The video for “Alejandro” is mad long and reminds me of one of those major releases that the Jackson’s would put out back in the day. BUT once again… Lady GaGa has stepped up her game and she’s not afraid to step outside of the box. While her music may speak for itself, so does everything else in the world of GaGa.

It’s certainly no secret that sex sells, and although GaGa doesn’t want to be seen as a sex symbol she’s barely wearing any clothes. Not to mention that her sexual role reversal bedroom session was pretty interesting. Although, I’m still trying to figure out why the guys dressed up in heels or pleather tighty blackees. This was a little on the strange side, but I’m sure that her gay male fans couldn’t be happier.

This is actually the first time in long time that we’ve seen an almost normal GaGa when it comes to hair, make-up, and costumes. GaGa is as pale as ghost and even though she’s got a body that’s looking like milk, I didn’t get the “My Chick Bad” vibe from her at all. While she may be the remixed version of the “material girl”… even I had to scratch my head when it came to the gun padded bra. Um, what’s up with that?

GaGa’s also selling merchandise and if you want a little Alejandro for yourself then be sure to check out her website. She’s selling an exclusive T-Shirt, Rose Ring, Prayer Candle, and a copy of “Alejandro – The Remixes”.

Yeah, you read that right… I said Prayer Candle.

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Let me find out that Nick Cannon tapped that ass to the point of knocking up his wife, Mariah Carey!! That’s right MiMi is pregnant, and her divalicious mood swings are going to be off the hook.

While her reps have not confirmed this inquiry, they haven’t exactly denied it either. Sometimes no answer is an answer, and I’m thinking that this one is pretty damn true. For example… you know somethings up when the fallen “Glitter” starlet who struggled to regain our respect and did in “Precious” suddenly drops out of her latest film project with Tyler Perry called “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf”.

Um… what’s up with that? Dropping out of a Tyler Perry movie that co-stars Whoopi Goldberg, Janet Jackson, Phylicia Rashad and Loretta Devine is just stupid stupid stupid. Well that is unless you have a really good reason – like pregnancy. Working with Tyler is like industry gold. No one turns down Tyler…LOL. That’s like saying no thank you to Oprah.

If Mariah’s really “pregnant” then she finally has an excuse to let herself go and eat whatever the hell she wants without all the extra criticism. BUT just be warned that dear old MiMi has the ability to become a fat girl in a New York minute. Mariah aka Mary Poppins or Mary P better enjoy her snacking freedoms while she can because as soon as she gives birth the jig is up and back to the gym she’ll go.

The pair can try to hide from the media but they’ll never be able to pull a Jennifer Hudson. People are watching and waiting for Cannon and Carey to reproduce. Why? That’s like asking how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, and we still don’t know the answer to that one. But believe it or not I’m actually happy for Mariah… it’s no secret that her 41-year-old maternal clocks been ticking for quite some time now. The question about her taking fertility drugs has crossed my mind though. I mean she is kind of on the old side when it comes to being with child, but here’s when being a Cougar has its benefits ladies. Cannon’s swimmers are still in good shape and apparently able to solidify the bond between husband and wife. I wonder if they’ll have twins…hmm.

Anywayz…Congrats to the happy couple, “unofficially”.

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What would you do for a starring role in a movie? That’s the question that everyone should be asking. Well apparently
50 Cent aka Curtis Jackson III had no problem with answering that question. He dropped from 214 pounds to an astonishing 160 for his upcoming role in “Things Fall Apart”. In the movie 50 Cent plays a football player that’s diagnosed with cancer.

Now I know that 50’s playing a cancer patient but his physical appearance is very disturbing. The rapper turned part-time actor was on a liquid diet and three-hour-a-day treadmill walks for nine weeks. Talk about crash dieting…this is crazy. 50 Cent states, “I was starving”. Um ya think? If this is what starving looks like… I’ll be damned! He only took off close to 60 pounds but he looks like shit. I can only hope that this was a role of a lifetime and that Curtis’ performance wins him an award, and I’m not talking independent film festivals. I’m talking NAACP, Oscars, etc. Otherwise we’ll have to chalk this up to a sad learning experience.

A healthy 50 looks like this…

The good news is that he’s actually back on tour now and working hard on packing on the pounds. So I’m sure he’ll be back to his super buff self in no time. 50’s telling his fans, “I’ve been eating. I’ll be back in shape in no time!”. I sure do hope so because a healthy 50 is so much more appealing than a sick 50.

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It’s been a real long time since a real female MC stepped up to the mic of Hip Hop.

Does anybody know when it became OK for mediocre artists to skate by on good looks, auto-tunes, and ghost writers? WAKE UP FOOLS… I release you from the evil spell of commercial radio.

Ladi G is the proud product of Brooklyn, New York and her lyrical flow can be compared to that of a young female version of Hova or even Biggie (but much much cuter of course). Her mixtape entitled “Starring Ladi G & The Co-Stars” is already being hailed as an “instant classic”, and is breaking new ground.

I think she’s “The Sound of the Future” which is an awfully tall order to fill, but this Hata ain’t afraid to tell you like it is. Ladi G’s flow is hard on tracks like “I’m Ill”, “ImmA Bee”, and “Backwoods, Dutch or Phillies”. She then manages to switch up her style up with songs like “Say Something”, “Hold Yuh”, “Forever Young”, and “I’m Ready (Set It Off 2)”. These days mixtapes are the new albums, but I was even feeling the bonus track “Bone Yard” which was an original beat.

All you commercial Barbie Doll Rappers better watch out …yeah Minaj I’m talking to you. The definition of HOT has just been reclassified by more than what shade of MAC lip gloss you smacking or how tight your freakum dress is.

Someone finally rolled the Jumangi dice and made the game move. Next up, Ladi G and that’s a good look right there. I’ve been waiting for a real female MC to step up to the mic for really long time. If her mixtape is any indication of what we should expect lyrically off her album, then I’m all for it.

Yooooo dudes will be hatin’ because it’s a girl spiting on these beats and holding her own with them like WHAT! Makes me want to grab my crotch and throw a Michael Jackson kick in the air. But on the real, guys will respect her because she’s “the only chick on a track talking real shit” (Ladi G).

It’s not often that we live in the moment of history… but pay attention. Unlike the artists of an older generation, Ladi G is not afraid to taste the rainbow…LOL. Some of her songs lead you to believe that she’s playing for a different team, but if she’s dropping it like this, then I really don’t care. Music doesn’t have any boundaries… well, not when it’s good anyway. “Ladi G Is Hip Hop”… WOW.

I know, I know… I sound “Team Ladi G”, but ya’ll already know that I only hate on wackness. Be your own judge and check it out for yourself.

FREE LISTENS and FREE DOWNLOADS on DEMAND at: www.LadiGIsHipHop.com

It must really suck to be a female puppet — I mean rapper right now. Ya dig Barbie?… Let’s not rewind like I’m Funk Flex-in. It’s time to get back to business.

“Game recognizes game and you’re looking kinda unfamiliar right now…”
~Riley Freeman, The Boondocks

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This is some ol’ next shit. It’s a topic that most guys never want to talk about. For all ya’ll fat back creepers your best-kept secret is about to be leaked. You’ve stepped over to the other side and discovered that it’s better than you had ever imagined. That’s right, I’m talking about Fat Bitches….

Well I found this video that’s going around and dude’s breaking it down about how he loves Fat Bitches. So don’t judge him…LOL. Sometimes guys do like to visiting the Soul Food Convention.

PRESS PLAY TO WATCH VIDEO

Don’t front, that shit was mad funny!! How’s the saying go? “Fat girls need love too”. Well I think that homeboy just made a believer out of some, and launched a whole new ad campaign called, “I Love Fat Bitches”. Like fat is the new plaid. If leggings can make a come back then anything is possible as you can tell from his enthusiasm.

Fat women everywhere might be a little bit angry swearing that they don’t cook after sex, but whole lot more are cracking up because they know that shit is true. I knew a fat bitch once that handled a woman sausage like a world heavyweight champ. So there’s no need to be shy ladies. Handle your B.I.

Shout out to all my Layne Bryant, Ashley Stewart, The Avenue, Walmart, Targ-aye bitches!!

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